People are so hard to read. Sometimes I envy God's "eagle eye". He gets to see everything from above. Literally and metaphorically. He can see the big picture, and His perfectness allows Him to be "above" our faulty reasoning. My own weaknesses, preferences, tendencies, and shortcomings make me constantly doubt my handling of relationships. How can I ever be trusted to do the right thing when I can't see beyond my own agenda?
I know it's not all my fault. Clearly, I am not entirely to blame. And yet, when you are so focused on doing the right thing so as to increase the likelihood that the other person will, by ripple effect, also do the right thing, and then the other person fails...it falls back to you. Or me, in this case.
Sigh. And here I go, talking in abstract terms that only I can follow because you are not in my head. If there even is a you. Actually, I am probably only talking to myself, so technically I could speak in concrete terms. It's tempting. I won't, though. There's something about words that is definite and damaging. Think about it. All our thoughts are shaped by the words we are fed, or the sights or sounds that we translate into words in our head, which all come together to form meaning. When I say "giggling", you picture a three year old coloring on the bright, clean, wall of her bedroom. Or...at least...I do. When I say "suffering" you get a completely different meaning. The words we use to describe people can have a lasting effect far beyond what we think.
It's absurd, and stupid, but I have actually held on to a negative idea about a person, even after getting to know them and finding out the opposite was true about them...simply because I trusted the person giving me the information. How twisted is that? If only we just covered our mouths for for just moment, to hold back the words that don't need to be unleashed.
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